


Cave In

by caseyd1a



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Campaign 2 (Critical Role), Drabble, Hope you enjoy, IDK maybe his thoughts after the Nein leave his room, M/M, Really is just a drabble but, maybe I'll write more tomorrow if i'm feeling it still?, spoilers for episode 124
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:15:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29229849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caseyd1a/pseuds/caseyd1a
Summary: Essek didn't know what to do with himself. He felt like the air had been stolen from him. His only friends... and he could only find it in himself to be selfish.(VERY SHORT DRABBLE. MAY CONTINUE WE'LL SEE! Spoilers for ep 124 of critical role campaign 2.)
Relationships: Essek Thelyss & Caleb Widogast
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	Cave In

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy if you're here. It's real short.

Essek’s hand replaced the spot where Caleb’s had just been. Cupping the side of his face. Alone in his quarters in this frozen outpost he felt himself drop to his knees. He couldn’t stop himself from curling forward. The weight of everything crashing into him.

This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. He finally … the people he’d come to care about finally made it to him. The relief that had washed over him when he finally saw their faces. Jester’s hug had been so warm, if hadn’t been for decades of practice at hiding his emotions he might have smiled.

He tried to force himself to take a deep breath. This wasn’t the first time he’d broken down and it likely wouldn’t be the last. 

He’d been hoping for… he swallowed that thought back. He didn’t deserve it, that's why he had to find a way to fix things. Maybe even bend time to his will.... That thought stopped in its tracks too.

_ Time...it takes time. _

What if he didn’t have _time_?! Time to even _begin_ to make things right. Time to _earn_ the trust and respect he so desperately wanted from them; from his friends. From … _Caleb_.

There is a good chance he would be sentenced to death by one government or another the next time he set foot back in the Dynasty. Either discreetly or very very publicly. The only sure thing was that it would likely be painful either way. He wasn’t sure he’d ever go home again. Not that it hadn’t felt empty since they’d set out.

Jester’s offer came to mind and he felt a smile at the corner of his mouth only for it to fade almost immediately at Caleb’s words. They had been true enough to cut through him and striking enough to hurt.

_ Caleb. _

He found himself feeling the most unsure about Caleb. The one who’d really managed to pull him into the group through shared interests of arcane knowledge and power. The rest were easy to read. Everything from open mistrust and anger to inklings, _and just inklings_ , of forgiveness. Essek couldn’t tell if Caleb was just angry with him or filled with pity. At the very least he could tell that Caleb related to his situation. 

Essek could still feel the warmth from Caleb’s hands resonating on his forearm and face. Much like Caleb’s preferred arcana, his presence always had a warm, bright, and still somehow dangerous feel to it. That was true today as it was when they’d met.

He managed to stand up. He walked over to the table they’d all sat around. How was he going to help? He couldn’t pull any connections. He had no more sway. Magic could be cancelled. His very presence put them in danger. 

Tears started to fall. They’d been doing that lately. That’s what happens when you’re a selfish coward.


End file.
